Love Leads to Wholeness
Love, at one with light and truth, emanates continuously from Infinite Intelligence in a limitless stream of nourishing energy and fresh insight. I hope my love story will demonstrate four points:
Parental love nurtures all the aspects of our being, combining physical care and sustenance, emotional bonding and encouragement, mental stimulus and discipline, and glimpses of the ideal and the transcendent spiritual.
Through our lives, loving connections continue to encompass more than physicality, or emotion, or intellect alone.
As a child, happily exploring the undeveloped hillside around my Los Angeles home, the toyon berry shrubs, blue-eyed grass and the trap-door spider became dearly beloved elements of the landscape.
By age five I’d fallen in love with books as I had fallen in love with my hillside, and when starting school, came to love both Michael and Vidella, a boy and a girl who joined me in the long uphill walk to our classrooms. From these memories, I associate love with mutual regard and a sense of safety.
By high school, in a trendy Southern California beach community, I’d forgotten what it was like to feel connected to the natural world. My intent then was on discovering my peer group’s way of seeing—who is popular, who is attractive to the popular, what are the social rules, what is ‘normal’ and what is ‘in’. I prided myself on knowing how to ‘play it cool’ by masking—even from myself—honest expression of sensuality or deep feelings, and often ignored my own reality, judging instead by imagining what others would think. Failing to make any real connection on a date, my thoughts turned to finding a better hair stylist. I didn’t know how lost I was. A false note was present in every relationship.
Entering university provided new opportunities to discover likes and dislikes and explore my strengths. Time and again my ego would be built up, then dashed by seemingly arbitrary circumstances, including widely prevalent and blatant discrimination against women.
During this process of discovery, I enjoyed dating a highly intelligent and principled man who matched the ideal my mother held out to me. My efforts to impress him, by taking a lead role in a variety of service projects, however beneficial, did not make a heart connection.
Love pervades the universe, yet when the kind of knowing we’re familiar with is incapable of perceiving it, it can seem impossible to find. How then do we find love?
We Attune to the Vibration of Love by Focusing Our Attention on What We Love
Just into the spring semester of my junior year, dissatisfied with my art studies, I told my roommate, “What I really want to do is go to Europe to look at paintings first hand.” She replied, “Why…don’t you?” Her question stunned me, sparking an invigorating new train of thought and quick action.
Traveling alone in Northern Europe, daily viewing hundreds of art masterpieces in museum after museum refined my appreciation for art. I also met many other young travelers at hostel after hostel, in an environment which encouraged soul searching and heartfelt honesty. During these months, I discovered, or recovered, use of an inner guidance system, like radar, that could scan a room full of people and unerringly select a person who would prove to be admirable and trustworthy. You can imagine my delight and gratitude.
The practice of continuous focus on what we love serves to restore our intuitive guidance system for a direct recognition of the beloved.
Continuing my journey across Germany by motor scooter, a robbery, and a rainstorm, running out of gas and a lost purse in the then Communist East Zone stranded me for a month in West Berlin at a beautiful hostel—with no money, no identification, no change of clothes, and no makeup.
Travelers arriving from all parts of the world taught me a way of being that did not rely on surface appearance. By ‘coincidence’, near the end of this stay, finally getting all the paper work in order, my inner ‘radar’ led me to notice a blond man with prominent blue eyes. Curious about my misadventures, he invited me into the sunlit garden for conversation after lunch.
His name was Carlton, he said with a beautiful bass voice. We talked on through the afternoon amid rose blooms and floating butterflies. I’d just come from Oslo, Norway and he was a Norwegian-American heading that way. He took my mother’s address so he could replace three or four postcards of artist Edvard Munch’s work which had been lost with my stolen luggage.
As Carlton turned to leave, I experienced an astonishing burst of energy exploding like a bonfire at the base of my spine. This gentle engaging man certainly created an extraordinary effect in me!
Reason cannot explain why a particular person, place or event elicits a seemingly magical response in us. Love encompasses so much more than the mind can conceive, it’s effect on us seems totally illogical.
Carlton stayed on my mind. When he wrote, I felt free to write back—in complete honesty—whatever was on my mind, for I never expected to see him again. Through my senior year, Carlton’s poetically descriptive travel letters lifted my spirits and opened my heart. He wrote from the island of Crete, with plans to rent a house on a quiet beach. He asked me to marry him.
Two months after graduation, I took a ship to Athens, eager to leave behind everything I found to be false in Los Angeles and determined to remain open to all that is truthful and honest.
Loving Relationships Bring Opportunities for Growth and Healing
Consider love as a center to center connection. Whatever nourishment you need flows in, and the nourishment you have to offer flows out to your loved one.
With Carlton’s encouragement, I abandoned myself to exploring the delights of the physical body: loving, swimming in the clear sea, eating the freshest of food, sharing stories with our new neighbors with lots of ‘body language’, hiking in the hills, singing, and, the next year, birthing and nursing our first child.
Raised for most of my life within the confines of a mental view of reality, my years in Crete truly opened me to the discovery of a new world, a fulfilling awakening to time-honored, natural, and deeply satisfying human connections.
Crete is an ancient land which long honored the Goddess aspect of deity. Even today, Cretan girls are assumed to be strong and boys are treated as if they’re more delicate. The women of Crete hold a unique position of strength and power—making the perfect environment for Carlton and me to establish our life together in full and equal partnership.
With a second child on the way, our long honeymoon came to an end. Carlton took a teaching job in the Sierra foothills. We practiced the simple life style we’d learned to appreciate in Crete before moving our children into suburban life in the central valley. Raising our two alert healthy children was a shared joy. Basking in the love of my family and grateful for all we’d achieved, I became consciously aware of spirit working in my life.
Before our children reached High School I lived in daily interaction with my spirit band and recognized that spirit had picked Carlton out and strongly influenced the circumstances of our meeting and of our life together.
It also became clear, at a subtle level, something was now amiss.
Although I’d always thought of Carlton as a “diamond in the rough,” he didn’t seem to be working on the polishing.
With a growing sense of alarm, I wondered if work with my invisible collaborators was leading me away from the relationship I held so dear.
One day, Carlton boldly announced he had no intention of supporting “an old lady” for the rest of his life and I’d better plan to support myself. I felt hurt and defensive. From my ordinary point of view, Carlton’s starkly honest words seemed a betrayal and a disaster.
Our ordinary way of seeing makes it easy to dwell on conflict. We need to remember to seek resolution by going in our imagination to the source of truth and harmony, the Center of All Being.
As interfaith Minister Alan Seale, author of Intuitive Living: A Sacred Path, reminds us:
The soul is busy taking a journey and having experiences from which it will learn. It knows nothing of success and failure. The soul only knows truth, honesty, and integrity. As long as we live our lives from a place of truth and integrity, allowing Love to flow through our being, we are following a pathway toward healing.
So, when confronting a challenge, remember to seek truth, honesty, and integrity. Pray that your way may be made plain to your understanding.
Apply Rhythm, Interpretation and Application to Solve Problems
This is the Reverend Florence Becker’s 7th Faculty of Being: Rhythm, Interpretation and Application.
Her teachings tell us this Spiritual Faculty allows you to define, unfold, solve, and unravel all problems—for the employment of this faculty places you in tune with the Rhythm and Harmony of the universe.
Enter your sitting with an attitude of acceptance of truth rather than expectancy. Your opening affirmation could include: “The spirit of Infinite Intelligence operates within and through me.” When ready, pointedly focus on the specific Rhythm, or vibration, of your relationship until you reach a point of concentration, and hold. Then let go concentration and surrender to Infinite Intelligence. Open to understanding the highest and best Interpretation of this vibration under present circumstances. Get impressions. As you come to clarity, allow the Interpretation from higher levels of awareness to guide your Application in the physical world.
As I tuned to Higher Source for understanding, I found the interior view was radically different from my expectations. Calmly and lovingly, and with great dignity, the idea was presented to me that Carlton and I had completed our original commitment to one another; it was time to look at who we had become with fresh eyes; and, it was time for me to “accept the gift” of freedom from the stereotypical obligations of a wife.
Gradually, I came to recognize that my commitment to Carlton was more truly to the God within rather than to his personality. From that time on, my loyalty has been directed to Infinite Source. This proved profoundly empowering.
Through prayers, dreams and visions, I became aware of a well of anger in myself which went far deeper than any anger against Carlton, as if I’d tapped into a universal seeking of vindication for all women who had ever fought injustice and prejudice simply because they were not men.
I envisioned myself as a volcano about to explode. The love of spirit taught me to transform this enormous store of energy into a regulated flow. Carefully exploring this depth of emotion in my sittings, I found jewels of truth and a new landscape, launching the most highly creative and productive period in my life.
Love Leads to Wholeness
Infinite Loving Intelligence calls on us to use all our abilities in an atmosphere of love and healing. Spirit guided me to further my education, establish a business, make solid investments, and, when my children were grown, move to a new home and employment in San Francisco to better enable me to serve. True love teaches as much about how and when to let go as it does about holding close.
Rather than losing ourselves in love, with the help of spirit, loving relationships offer us endless opportunities to find ourselves.
Carlton chose to rejoin me and help. More than twenty years after moving to the city, we remain partners. From the outside, we look like, and are, an ordinary couple. From within, I am still discovering why spirit guided me to choose Carlton to be my life partner.
Take time this week to reflect on the loves in your life, and what you learn from each.